Maria Byrne
I was fortunate enough to win a trip for two to Lithuania recently, the beautiful city of Vilnius to be exact. I was thrilled that my obsessive liking and sharing of Facebook competitions had finally paid off. Apart from an odd weekend away in Ireland, it had been several years since my husband and I had the luxury of heading overseas on our own.
I should have been on top of the world, but instead, in typical Irish mother mode, I found myself fretting and worrying about how the children would manage when we were away. I didn’t really have any major cause for concern: my 16-year-old daughter would put any army officer to shame when it comes to imposing order on the troops and is no stranger to whipping up a tasty dinner.
The children definitely wouldn’t starve. My 27-year-old son was to be the mature, adult presence who’d hold the fort against any or every calamity that might occur in our absence.
It’s amazing how a mother’s imagination can work overtime when they’re leaving their children for any length of time, while fathers are often blissfully unaware of the disasters that might strike.
Unfortunately, disaster did strike a few days before we were all set to go.
My son, busy working, studying and planning his wedding, had somehow confused the dates and was working night shifts on three of the four nights we were away. Of course, meltdown doesn’t even begin to describe my reaction.
I spent a frantic two days desperately wondering in the words of the tearjerker movie Who Will Love my Children? or, rather, if there was anyone out there who wanted to spend their weekend with my four little darlings.
The stress levels were rising rapidly, as the date of departure was almost upon us. Even my cool-as-a-cucumber husband was getting a bit anxious.
Saved the day
Fortunately, my second eldest son and his wife saved the day and offered to take on the task. My son’s kind-hearted fiancée had also been enthusiastic in her offers to help so, what could have been a total headache all ended happily with my two teenage daughters pushing us out the door to head off on our much-needed break.
I was thinking afterwards about how great it was to have family members who could row in to help out in an emergency. We hear so much about the pressures on families, the challenges of raising children, the need for childcare and the work/life balance.
A lot of articles on parenting or children focus on the early years with topics ranging from infant sleep patterns to the ever-increasing costs of extracurricular activities. Very few discuss the support network that a family provides or the fact that a day comes when it’s not the parents bailing the children out but the grown up children assisting their parents.
While my husband and I were strolling around, visiting the many beautiful churches in Vilnius and enjoying exploring the quaint little winding streets of the old town, the children were having the time of their lives.
When we got home, there were stories of takeaway dinners and all sorts of trips and adventures; no one had starved and the house had been scrubbed from top to bottom. I gather the approach was to wait until we were on the plane back before launching one massive clean-up operation with all hands on deck.
At the opening Mass of the recent Synod on the Family in Rome, Pope Francis spoke of how families need to be cared for and of how they’re an integral part of God’s plan for humanity.
The benefits of family love, the ongoing support, care and nurturing that a family offers really came into focus for me when it was members of my family that were there for me and my husband in a time of need. I think having children has been my greatest joy and my greatest challenge, especially when it comes to my own actions.
I’ve recently been using the book Character Building by David Isaacs to discuss various virtues with my teenagers.
One very useful section at the end of each chapter is a self-assessment for parents and teachers. For example, on the virtue of generosity, a question asks if we ourselves have overcome tiredness or laziness to assist others.
On justice, parents are asked to think about issues like keeping promises and upholding commitments. The practical tips for teaching children are always based on the adults leading the way and teaching through example.
Even something simple like having a level of flexibility when something unexpected happens and help is required. Just a few nights ago, this spirit of service to family saw my husband heading to Dublin after midnight to rescue our son who rang to say he was sick and needed to be collected.
I knew it was the last thing my husband felt like doing, but it’s the simple little actions like this that bind families together in bonds of love and loyalty, and that really make strong families a formidable force for good.
When I found our own grown up children responding in a similar way to our needs, I have to admit feeling that as a family, we were doing well, so well that our children didn’t even want us to come home they were enjoying their new-found responsibilities so much.
