Bairbre Cahill
Our parish is using the Do this in Memory programme this year to support the children and families who are preparing for First Reconciliation and First Eucharist. The response to the programme from parents has been very positive with many commenting on how good it is to be involved, to feel more connected to the parish and to the process of sacramental preparation.
We have a KidZone table in the Church which reflects the theme of each month. This month we are remembering the many people within our families and community who have died.
We invited the children to colour some cut-out leaves and on the back of them to write the names of people belonging to them who have gone to God. Now our table looks very autumnal with its pile of leaves – orange, brown, red and yellow.
It is good to remember – painful but good. We are reminded this month that it is important to pray for those who have died. It is also important to talk about them with our families. What are the stories about our loved one? What are the good memories that make us laugh? How did we feel when this person we love died? How are we dealing with our grief?
Sometimes we can feel under pressure to bury our grief and get on with life, but death and loss are natural parts of life and if we can help our children to see this, to talk about death, to recognise the importance of our grieving, then we are giving our children a great gift.
Connectedness is one of the strongest themes in the religious education programme in national schools. Our children explore how our relationships connect us to each other at home, at school, in the wider community, as well as with God and with the Earth on which we live. That sense of connectedness helps the children to grow in their sense of identity and belonging. It helps them to understand the importance of gathering as a community to celebrate the Eucharist and how we need healing and reconciliation when we do things that damage our relationship with God and each other.
Valuing our connectedness is also really important when it comes to grieving. When we experience a death the sense of loss can be overwhelming. The physical absence of the person we love is a constant reminder. It can take a long, long time to begin to learn to live with that. We also face a challenge. As Christians we are baptised into Christ. We are told that in baptism we become part of the Body of Christ. St Paul tells us that nothing, not even death can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39). The resurrection of Jesus reminds us that death does not have the final word. And so I think it is important not to shut away our grief and our loss. I believe it is important to talk about the people we love who have died, to tell the stories and share the memories, to celebrate our connectedness.
For our family that has meant telling our children about their granny Anna, my mum, who died when I was only five and about their Uncle Paul who died as a young man. From a young age our children have talked quite naturally about granny Anna and Paul and consider them to be as much part of the family as any of the relatives they see on a regular basis – something that matters hugely to me.
Those who have loved us in life, love us still. We are all part of one body. Nothing can break that bond. So although we live with loss and loneliness, yet we are surrounded still by their love.
