Many are struggling to process their grief without the rituals of death, writes Ruadhán Jones
The funeral is a ubiquitous ritual in Irish society, envisioned in popular culture as a social gathering and a celebration of the deceased’s life. But under the conditions of a pandemic, we have come to recognise its primary importance as the final rite of passage both for the dead and the grieving.
First stage
During the first stage of this pandemic, the primary rituals associated with grieving were cut off when funerals and visits to graveyards were banned. The Government – and wider society – belatedly recognised the deleterious effect this had on the mental and physical health of mourners and have since allowed funerals, albeit with stringent restrictions.
But as a new report from Queens University Belfast (QUB) that covers different aspects of Christian ministry under lockdown finds, funerals and pastoral care for the grieving remain the “hardest thing by far” that priests have to do during the pandemic. One minister quoted in the report said he had “buried a dog with more emotion”, while a Catholic bishop described the experience of a priest in his diocese.
There’s a real spiritual, pastoral and emotional reaction in not being able to provide the type of care priests and ministers think is necessary”
“One priest told me that he got a call that someone had died at half seven in the morning from Covid-19 and he was burying him that afternoon at half past four,” the bishop told the report. “It was all very rushed and I can imagine the effect that is having on those who were bereaved. And even though he preached at the graveside and did as much of the service as he possibly could do at the graveside, they’ll probably in a year or two look back and say: ‘The priest didn’t do much for us and the Church wasn’t there for us when we needed them. Why did we have to rush things so much?’”
Dr Gladys Ganiel, researcher in QUB and author of the study ‘Something Other Than A Building’, tells The Irish Catholic that Covid-19 has made a difficult job even harder for Christian ministers.
“Ministry in any Christian denomination is already a difficult job because all Christian denominations have seen drops in vocations, so resources are stretched quite thin,” Dr Ganiel explains. “And then the pandemic has created more pastoral needs – the death rate for one thing, so funerals, and then there’s grieving families and then there are all the mental health issues associated with lockdown.
“There’s a real spiritual, pastoral and emotional reaction in not being able to provide the type of care priests and ministers think is necessary. In some ways, there’s no way around that if you’re going to do things safely. It’s been a struggle for people,” Dr Ganiel concludes.
Redemptorist
Fr Noel Kehoe, a Redemptorist based in Dundalk and one of the contributors to the report, officiated at nine funerals in seven days recently. Death and grief are on his mind. Speaking to The Irish Catholic, he explains that the pandemic has brought home to him the importance of the funeral, and the rituals associated with it, in helping people process grief.
“Those natural expressions of sympathising for example, of neighbours and friends, the gathering with the family over the three days and I suppose being physically present to the family at the funeral as a mark of respect – that was our natural default position on how we did funerals and how we showed support to people,” Fr Kehoe says.
I suppose where it has affected people most from a ministry point of view has been around funerals and how do we do grief and death during this time”
“At the beginning when there was a lot of panic, there were Covid funerals, many families were advised not to have to a funeral but to go straight to the graveyard, we’ll have a funeral when this is all over. But I would have a very strong sense that for those families who would have liked to have a funeral but didn’t, or chose not to or were advised not to, even the minimalist funeral liturgy that we can do at the moment is still really important to families to help fulfil this set of rites for the person who has died.”
Fr Kehoe continues, pointing out that it’s not just funeral which was important, but the complete set of rituals and care which he and his fellow priests usually offer.
“The first thing is, we are not meeting people face-to-face for normal pastoral care,” Fr Kehoe explains. “I suppose where it has affected people most from a ministry point of view has been around funerals and how do we do grief and death during this time.”
“This has changed how we would have done it, you know: over three days, you would have sat with the family, we would have talked stories out just being that presence with the family, going down to pray with them as the remains came in and then the night before through a vigil, the morning of the funeral. All of those things that were, you know, just how we did funerals, but it was also very supportive for the family.”
Covid-19 restrictions
Explaining how he has adjusted his ministry to the Covid-19 restrictions, Fr Kehoe says that he still makes contact with the families.
“I go, I PP up and I still mark those moments of prayer when the remains come home, the vigil, the morning before it comes to the Church,” Fr Kehoe says. “As opposed to sitting for a few hours with a family, I do a lot of it over email and get the information and the sharing of the stories that way. So at least in the funeral homily, something of the person, something of the grieving persons experience is being reflected back to them.”
But Fr Kehoe recognises that, despite all he the work does, there is still more which remains unaddressed. Many people during the pandemic have to live with unprocessed grief.
For me the single biggest issue going on pastorally at the moment is how this has impacted on people around the area of grief and loss”
“I think there is a lot of grief that is out there that is not being addressed and it’s very difficult for it to be addressed during a time of huge restrictions. At the moment, even family or relations, can’t visit the house. For me the single biggest issue going on pastorally at the moment is how this has impacted on people around the area of grief and loss.”
