Wendy GraceI’m single and I really want to meet someone but am terrified about asking someone out on a date…
This is something that is never easy, but we only learn by doing, and it does get easier. I have so many friends who would really love to meet someone but because perhaps it's been a while since they have had a relationship or even been on a date, the prospect of asking someone out makes their palms sweaty and gives them palpitations in their chest.
I was recently at a party where there were lots of friends and some new faces and the mischievous inner matchmaker in me spotted out of the corner of my eye a friend who has been longing to meet someone for years now chatting to a girl. They seemed to be getting on really well.
As he was leaving I grabbed his arm and asked "Well, did you ask for her number?"
He looked at me totally stunned, and his face went a little ashen. "Well I don't really know her, and I don't know if she is single."
Of course my response was if he didn't ask he would never know. Yet out the door he walked without her number. How many opportunities do we miss because we let our irrational fears take over?
Rejection
So what are we so afraid of? If you click with someone and you ask them out one of two things can happen. They will either say yes or they will say no. Of course we all fear rejection, but it is an inevitable part of dating.
If the person lets you down in an ungracious manner well then you have dodged a bullet, because why would you want to go out with someone like that in the first place?
Rejection is not a sign of failure, true defeat is when fear of rejection prevents you from asking at all. You need to change your attitude. It is hard sometimes to have confidence in yourself, but through practice your confidence will develop.
Conversation
It is best to keep it simple, strike up a meaningful conversation, listen and be interested, then be honest and keep it simple. Say you have really enjoyed chatting and would love to grab a coffee, or lunch or dinner sometime.
If they say no, thank the person for being up front and restate you have enjoyed chatting to them, if they say yes make sure you have the person's number and give them a broad idea of when you will be in touch.
It will always be nerve-racking to ask someone out, but many no's will one day lead to the right yes and it will all have been worth it.