Maria Byrne
A Parent’s Perspective
There has been much soul searching in Ireland in the last few weeks. What could have gone so wrong that produced such a devastating result in the referendum on the Eighth Amendment, the one that protected the equal right to life of the unborn? How could Catholics attend Mass, hear the words of the Gospel, participate in the Eucharistic celebration and still put an X in the box to strip away the most basic of human rights?
As I walked down a sunny Grafton Street in Dublin some days after the result was announced, I felt like a stranger abroad in a country that I didn’t really know.
The youth vote in the referendum was the hardest to take. It wasn’t completely surprising but it’s the youth that we often look to as the hope for the future, the bright dawn of a new day. It almost seemed that a modern day Pied Piper of Hamelin had lured them all away with his merry tune.
Discussing the vote with other parents, the question that was asked over and over again was: “Where have we gone wrong?”
A lot of people I spoke to wondered how, after years of Catholic education, so many voters in their late teens and early 20s seemed to have little understanding or concern for the values that their grandparents would have held dear.
The role of parents in society has become devalued over a period of years. It’s been a gradual process but we’ve bought into the culture of the “expert”.
In the past, young parents turned to their own parents or grandparents for help and advice and grew in confidence in their parenting role.
Now experts tell us that preschool is a must for proper early education, experts in the internet and social media warn us about our children’s superiority and even in areas around relationships and sexuality, it’s teachers that are targeted to bridge the knowledge gaps.
No wonder that parents’ values and moral attitudes were often not referred to on the issue of abortion.
As a stereotypical Irish man may say when asked for road directions: “If I was heading there, I wouldn’t start from here.”
But here is where we are. What can we do in this strange new world? Is there any reason for hope for the future? What action should we focus on? One area that has been identified is that of evangelisation. It’s plain that, whatever children were learning in school, the core message of the uniqueness and innate value of each human being wasn’t one that the majority embraced.
Bishop Kevin Doran spoke recently about sin in relation to the referendum and I was somewhat surprised at the over-the-top response. It did make me realise that sin has become a rarely used word.
We presume that the few minutes of religion in the classroom is enough for children but we can see the dearth of knowledge. What do we do? A good start is to buy a Catechism of the Catholic Church and read a few pages every day so we know our own Faith and can talk to our children about what we’ve learnt. Pope St John Paul II described this as a way to perceive “the wonderful unity of the mystery of God”.
Invest in a copy of the YouCat, the youth catechism or browse online where you’ll find a great selection of books suitable for children of all ages.
Experts
From early childhood, we need to talk, read and explain as well as lead by example. If we don’t make our relationship with God our priority, our children definitely won’t. We are the leaders in our own homes and, while experts have their place, we are the ones who brought our children to the Church to seek Baptism accepting the responsibility for training them in the practice of the Faith.
It is our duty to teach our children to love God and their neighbours. We said clearly that we understood the promises we were making. Now it’s time for action.
Teachers, politicians or our children’s peers don’t have the role that parents do. At a recent education conference, Archbishop Eamon Martin spoke of how parents, not schools, are the primary educators quoting Pope St John Paul ll who described this right and duty as “essential”, “original”, “irreplaceable” and “inalienable”.
Nothing matters as much as the spiritual wellbeing of our children. We captain the boat, set the boundaries and create a family culture of what’s acceptable and not acceptable in our homes. We hold the line even if “are you for real, mom?” is thrown at us, and we don’t back away from disagreements and conflict when our child’s education in virtue is central to the debates.
If anything, the lesson of the past months couldn’t be clearer: we have to step up instead of stepping out. In lipstick and heels or sporting that cool haircut or edgy tattoo, in the workplace or in college, our children will never stop needing our support, guidance and help.
We are the experts and have the wisdom of years. We have been shocked and disappointed by the direction our country is taking but as Anne Frank said in The Diary of a Young Girl, “I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.”
As my dear mother used to say: “Onwards and upwards.”
