Bairbre Cahill
“There goes another one!” We were practising ballads for the GAA Scór competition and we needed help to add harmonies and generally lift the quality of what we had learned from straightforward ballads to something a little special.
Brighdín has the most amazing musical ability. All it took was for us to begin singing the song and she would spot possible harmonies. “Yes, there’s another one!” she would say and I found myself looking up almost expecting to see the harmony fluttering past my nose!
I would love to be that musical, but I’m simply not. I can just about hold on to a harmony if I’m taught it but I certainly can’t discover one for myself. So I found myself sitting there on Sunday night saying “I wish I was like you Brighdín”. In fairness Brighdín was quick to point out that while she can play music and pluck harmonies out of the air she can’t bake to save herself, unlike Katrina who is in the ballad group and rattles out the best scones and mars bar squares you could ever taste.
We can all spend time wishing we were like someone else and it is good to be inspired by others, but ultimately we need to be comfortable in our own skin. As parents we have to be careful not to put pressure on our children with comments such as, ‘Why can’t you be more like your cousin/friend/sibling’. The reality is that we are each called to be the most real, vibrant and authentic version of ourselves rather than a pale imitation of someone else. It takes time to figure out who we are and for many of us it is within our family that we are encouraged and supported on that journey of discovery.
For us as Christians the fact that we believe each person is created in the image and likeness of God is the starting point. It is the strongest foundation upon which to build healthy self-esteem and deep respect for others. To know that we are loved by God – not just in a theoretical or abstract way but deeply, powerfully and personally – enables us to believe in ourselves.
Love
Children glimpse that love and come to trust in it through the experience of love in their families. We know the damage that can be done when children do not experience that deep, nurturing love within their families. No family gets everything right and so inevitably there will be wrongs done, hurt inflicted, healing needed, forgiveness asked and given. But even this strengthens our sense of self. We know from experience that we are not perfect but learn that our worth goes deeper than our brokenness and we are still loved.
Catholic schools build upon the same perspective. Each and every student is a child of God. Education is not simply about equipping students for the work force but about helping each child to flourish and become truly themselves, spiritually, psychologically, academically, creatively and in relationship with those around them.
Our youngest daughter has just submitted her CAO application for university. The three girls have gone in quite different directions in terms of what they want to do, but I see each of them tapping into a deep sense of their own gifts and vision. That is still a work in progress with the son! While Méabh has great clarity about where she wants to go, many in her year do not.
Our education system seems to be narrow in its presumption that academic success means going on to university. League tables add to the pressure on schools. But maybe what suits one doesn’t suit another.
Perhaps the world of work, apprenticeships or time out before making a decision about university makes more sense?
Are we forcing our children into a pre-made mould or empowering them to discover their own gifts and identity?
As for the Scór ballads, here’s hoping we hold on to those harmonies!