Paul KeenanDear Editor, Based on the highly logical reasoning found in Douglas Adams’ The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Ch.6, p52), the following theological argument can surely now be made:
“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith and without Faith I am nothing.”
“But,” says Man, “the recent removal of the Bible from the crest of TCD is a dead giveaway isn’t it?
“For,” continues Man, “the symbolic removal of the Bible from the very institution which has been vouchsafed custody of the ancient and wondrously illuminated Gospels, known as the Book of Kells, simply must involve levels of irony vastly in excess of those that can possibly be generated even by the senior management of an institution determined to become notorious as Ireland’s foremost TCD – third-level College of dunce-craft.”
“Oh, that little ‘rebranding’ matter,” says God nonchalantly, “well, since it is well-known that I am the Cork team’s most fanatical supporter, I can secretly admit to feeling rather pleased that on the playing fields of my beloved Ireland the letters “TCD” shall henceforth stand for “Tipperary Colours Denied.”
“We must insist!” says Man, “that You engage in serious theological discourse!…so less of the enthusiasm for mere sporting matters if you please!… Now: it is in fact quite clear that the irony levels involved in the TCD (Trinity Crest Debacle) are so mind-blisteringly high as to conclusively indicate the existence of infinite irony.
“Furthermore, since we now know from observation that the universe, while expanding, is finite, any infinite quality (even ironically, irony itself) must have an infinite source, and, if we are to take our monotheism seriously,
that Source can only be you, God.
“Therefore,” says Man, “we must inform you that your existence has now been officially TCD’ed – Theologically Completely Determined. For, by tapping into vast and infinite irony, TCD has, quite accidentally, managed to prove that you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”
“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.
“Oh, that was easy,” says Man who then, for an encore, (and having removed the text upon which western civilisation’s moral and economic limitation is based -i.e. the manual of its governance), continues to unwittingly install and happily practise quite the opposite, i.e. anti-governance.
And the rest is, as they say, likely merely prefaced by our recent history.
Yours etc.,
Stan Reynolds,
Macroom,
Co. Cork.
