Maria ByrneMother Teresa was once asked how she ever thought she could succeed in her mission when millions of people are starving and she was only giving food and assistance to a few thousand. Her calm response was, “God did not call me to be successful, but to be faithful”. It’s a message that all of us can take on board and one that all parents could ponder on.
As the end of the school year comes closer, the nervous few weeks before summer exams and holidays can focus anxious parents’ minds on what they have achieved as role models to their children.
It can be particularly poignant and emotional when your child has reached the end of their years in primary or secondary school and is moving on to an exciting new stage.
However, for some parents, the transitions are far from painless; the years in school may not have turned out exactly as they planned when they were depositing their enthusiastic four and five-year-olds at the school gates many years previously.
Paul Lauer was a young Catholic who came back to the Church and went on to a successful career in media and entertainment with the aim of bringing life- and faith-affirming films to the masses. At the age of 13, Paul was robbing houses, spent 10 years partying and “dabbling in everything from drugs to women to Buddhism to ‘me-ism’”.
Converting
By the time he was 27 years old, he had completely turned his life around. He was a practising Catholic, had abandoned the wild life and had succeeded in converting his parents’ garage into the publishing ‘empire’ of Veritas magazine for youth, going on to become founder and CEO of Motive Entertainment.
Lauer didn’t attribute his conversion to any dramatic “knocked off my horse” moment or angelic apparition. His story was one of a change of heart which wasn’t based on being shown that what he was doing was wrong, but on being shown a vision of something that was “more right”. He believed that attracting young people to religion is a bit like setting up a club that attracts because of how unique, brave and challenging it is.
Encouraging our children to achieve anything in life is about channelling their inexhaustible energy and dynamism and directing them towards what is good for themselves, their families and the wider society.
While some mothers and fathers are basking in the glow of their children’s success in examinations, sport, music, art or a host of other areas, the vast majority of children won’t be walking up to receive awards at the end-of-year school graduations or ceremonies.
Rocky years
There will be others who won’t fit into the neat category of ‘successful’ and whose parents will be called upon to keep the faith through the rocky years that lie ahead.
When my second-eldest son did his mock Leaving Certificate some years ago, my husband and I felt like tearing our hair out as we perused the “could do betters” and dismal directions about how attempting so many subjects at higher level would be far from advisable.
Ignoring what might have seemed prudent, I trusted my instincts, took my son out of school and spent the next few months dedicating myself to helping him rediscover the joy of education. He’s now a young husband, a proud father of two beautiful girls with another on the way, has a degree in drama behind him and a successful career working for a computer company.
He loved construction studies in school and dreams of a total career change where he can use his interest and skill in carpentry and woodwork to do what he describes as “something ancient that people have been doing for thousands of years”. Some children shine when they are still quite young and are totally focused on what they want from a very early age.
Others, like my son, are works in progress and are often in their twenties or thirties before they really find their niche.
Exams
In a few short weeks, thousands of children from all over Ireland will be sitting the Leaving Certificate Examination.
A 2015 report on school retention found that one in 10 students are not completing secondary education. Some get a job, take the apprenticeship route or apply for Youthreach courses while others will explore less travelled pathways. These young adults need lots of love, support and to be presented with challenges which inspire them to utilise their talents and abilities. Young people may undergo several transitions and changes before they’re fully mature adults.
While on the journey, they need parents or mentors who they share common ground with and who will offer something secure and constant in their lives. They need to feel rooted to the support that only a loving family can offer and get continued spiritual support and retain links to the wider Christian community. There are many vibrant faith-based organisations that reach out to teenagers and young adults who are searching for the meaning of life.
Most of all, all our children who are launching into life after school need us parents to have a sense of positivity and hope. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you did the best you could for your children and that with you still behind them all the way, and leaving things in God’s hands, you just have to let them fly.