Maria Byrne
Families can work together to help themselves and others triumph over tragedy, writes Maria Byrne
In the past year, I didn’t break any records for setting out in exciting new directions. A lot of the projects I hoped to embark on are barely started, my bucket list is far from being completed; in fact, if I even managed to tick four or five boxes, that’s about it. I could look back and focus on all the things that I didn’t do and feel that the year was a failure.
Looking at things in a more positive light, the year was pretty good. It was a year of great contrasts: sad tragic farewells, new beginnings, weddings and funerals, illnesses and positive experiences of recovery. If I’d hoped for a quiet year, I would have been very disappointed, but I don’t think any parents ever get the quiet life that they sometimes yearn for.
I was reading an article recently which painted a grim picture of parenting and all that it involves. I think it was meant to be a tribute to a brave new world where no woman needs to feel defined by the fact that she does or doesn’t have children. Instead, I’d say it left most readers feeling saddened by the gloomy outlook of the women who were interviewed for the story.
They spoke of feeling trapped, of having lost their identity as individuals and having to wait until their children went to college before they could start to really live again.
My overall impression was of women who were lacking in support and adequate resources and possibly suffering from some mental health issues. I felt that if only someone was there to reach out to them, to offer a hand of friendship and love, their attitudes might be very different.
One thing that I did experience in 2014 was being at the receiving end of people reaching out. I also had the opportunity to reach out to others and to make new connections and friendships. A house fire which devastated the family home that I grew up in was transformed by the kindness of so many into a very positive experience of community in action.
My son and daughter-in-law’s wedding and the organisation around it demonstrated the generosity of extended family. It’s not every day that my brother-in-law is called on to drive a young bride-to-be to the church and manage to do the job like a true professional, even donning the dark glasses to really look the part.
The tragic death of a young relative brought together friends and families who supported each other in the midst of devastating heartbreak.
My father’s fight with cancer is continuing and I’ve been inspired by the philosophical way that he deals with the various tests and treatments, while always having the time to thank each individual doctor for all that they are doing for him.
At the age of 86, he’s still just a phone call away if any of his children or grandchildren need a helping hand or a word of advice.
I’ve long ago given up on any New Year’s resolutions that might involve regular trips to the gym. I did manage to purchase some good walking shoes last summer and was quite proud of my success in mobilising the whole family for several energetic hill walks.
Even better were the efforts at carving out regular family prayer time. I think putting a few minutes aside each day to pray is something that requires very little effort, but yields great results.
Every child gets their chance to contribute with their own prayers and requests. With my eight-year-old daughter preparing for her first Holy Communion, it’s also a chance to join her in the songs and prayers that are part of the first Communion programme.
It’s easy to rhyme off that “The family that prays together, stays together,” but I think the fruit of family prayer is a joy that was missing from that dismal article about the burdens of having children. Joining our family in prayer makes us realise that, as well as the hardships of life, we have much to thank God for.
Even something as simple as our child’s happy smile can brighten the dullest day.
Sometimes, it’s just a case of looking with eyes that can really see.
Last year saw war, violence and dreadful suffering in many parts of the world. Families and communities have an important role to play in involving themselves in world affairs and in reaching out to help.
My children were particularly impressed with Trócaire’s campaign to work for a just world and how the gift of a birth certificate or a school kit could transform a child’s life. If every family gave even one gift or made a commitment to choose one charity to donate to, the results would be amazing.
Yet again, it’s about reaching out to the vulnerable. The sad death of a homeless man in Dublin led to nearly 900 foil blankets and foam mats being donated, facilitated by the outdoors suppliers Great Outdoors. Communities working together can save lives.
As another year begins, I’m not making any long list of resolutions. As a mother, I hope to lead my children by example in just trying to pray a little bit more, reach out a little bit more. In the words of Pope Francis: “We have the courage to take to the streets of the world bringing the Gospel.”