Courtney McGrailEvery Thursday my husband and I grab a cup of coffee in the local shopping centre and engage in a bit of people watching. Our daughter’s ballet class in a neighbouring town is the perfect excuse to take some time out as a couple and engage in one of our favourite occupations which mostly involves a bit of social commentary and just watching the world go by.
One thing we have noticed is how tough being a teenager can be. While we can enjoy a coffee or cappuccino and sit relaxing for as long as we choose, we’ve noticed that young teenagers don’t have the same luxury. Boys in particular are regularly moved along even if they too are just sitting taking their time over a drink while hanging out with a few friends.
My 14-year-old daughter gets annoyed when shopping trips with her friends sometimes result in a careful scrutiny that no adult would be expected to tolerate. While I understand the retailers’ dilemma, and shoplifting is a major headache for many, there is a view out there that teenagers and trouble go hand-in-hand.
There are endless programmes, books and articles about the teenage years and how parents can survive them. It’s anticipated that the time leading up to and including puberty will be like some scary rollercoaster with more lows than highs. It’s not surprising that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Every parent and teacher is aware of the negative impact of giving a dog a bad name but this doesn’t stop the endless exchange of sob stories about Max who’s morphed into some sort of teenage monster or Sarah, once so sweet, but now a sassy 16-year-old who is outside her parents’ control.
Too often, as mothers and fathers, we fail to accentuate the positive. As a society, we also neglect to highlight all the great aspects of the teenage years and the enthusiastic, energetic and positive efforts teenagers make to contribute to a better world.
Initiative
Recently, my 16-year-old daughter and her friends took part in a fantastic initiative in Dublin’s city centre. Nightfever is a simple concept, but the results are amazing. It involves opening a church at night and a team of young and not-so-young Christians inviting passers-by to come in, say a little prayer and light a candle.
I find it encouraging that any group of teenagers would forgo their usual Saturday night entertainments to stand out in a busy street approaching total strangers in an effort to share some of the joy of their love of God. I admit that I’d be a little apprehensive about what sort of reaction I’d get, but one of the great things about being a teenager is a refreshing idealism and an ability to reach for the stars without the burden of adult cynicism.
My daughter was in high spirits and exuberant when she arrived home with stories of heavy metal supporters deciding to light a candle for their mothers, two young Muslim lads who were reassured when she emphasised that all were welcome to stop and pray and many who’d never been near a church for years taking up her invitation.
My daughter had never attended Nightfever before and enjoyed the unique experience. However, sometimes we see the goodness of our teenagers shine through in the ordinary, everyday situations. In the last few days a friendly ginger-and-white cat appeared in our road.
There was great excitement when my children came running in one morning to announce that the cat had given birth to three little kittens.
Most of the adults in the neighbourhood probably bemoaned the fact that a careless pet owner had failed to take action to prevent another litter of difficult-to-home kittens.
For the children there were no such considerations and it was the teenagers who surprised me with how passionately they involved themselves in the plight of the poor cat and her offspring.
One boy who I’d always viewed as a cool dude was relentless in his appeals to all the families in the area, knocking on doors, ringing bells in the vain hope that four homeless cats would be welcomed by someone.
There were cross words and disbelief when it was discovered that animal rescue centres only take kittens when they’re over six weeks old. In the end, a kindly grandfather offered to take the unfortunate animals. Sometimes teenagers won’t take no for an answer.
My 14-year-old daughter loves reading, pondering on life’s problems and is a bit of a sensitive soul.
Instead of asking other parents or adults for tips on how best to understand our teenagers, I thought it best to seek her opinions. Her answers were short and sweet – teenagers are often experts at getting to the point quickly.
She said that not all teenagers are interested in rebelling against their parents; teenagers like family trips and reluctance could be more about feeling a bit lazy than a rejection of all family events. Not all teenagers want to start dating. Teenagers want adults to take their dreams seriously.
I guess all this means that I’ll be heading off to Japan soon as it’s my daughter’s dearest desire.
In the meantime, I think I can relax and along with thousands of other parents enjoy having two crazy, but caring teenagers in the house.
They certainly make every day an adventure.