The Notebook
Martin Delaney
Down syndrome
My face may be different
But my feelings the same
I laugh and I cry
And I take pride in my gains
I was sent here among you
To teach you to love
As God in heavens
Looks down from above
To him I’m no different
His love knows no bounds
It’s those here among you
In cities and towns
That judge me by standards
That man has imparted
But this family I’ve chosen
Has helped me get started
For I’m one of the children
So special and few
That came here to learn
The same lessons as you
That love is acceptance
It must come from the heart
We all have the same purpose
Though not the same start
The Lord gave me life
To live and embrace
And I’ll do as you do
But at my own pace.
– Author: Unknown
At their wedding in September 1942, the priest asked Dan and Mary: “Are you willing to accept with love the children God may send you and bring them up in accordance with the law of Christ and his church?” “We are,” they replied.
In due course they included in the circle of their love their first four children. At the birth of their fifth, Joe, in December 1959 I’m sure there was much joy and happiness. But in the midst of the joy came the traumatic announcement that all was not well: Joe was born with Down syndrome – or in those days he might simply have been referred to as being handicapped.
I’m sure for a time they were shattered. But gradually, as they recovered from the shock, they took this little boy to their hearts, giving him more love and attention than perhaps they would have given another child. Joe was born at a time when accepted practice was to place children with Down syndrome into institutions to live out their perhaps 20 or 30 years.
Joe’s mother was told that he would not live to be three. It was thought that families just weren’t equipped to deal with a special needs child; that the child would be too disruptive and would destroy a normal family – putting undue strain on the marriage and on other siblings.
Conventional wisdom did not take into account the love and commitment of two parents dedicated to raising their family in an atmosphere of Christian love.
However, that is no easy task for a young couple. Caring for any child is not easy, but caring for a child with special needs can involve enormous sacrifices, even relating to neighbours and friends and relatives who do not know whether to congratulate or sympathise with the young parents.
But these young parents coped and found inner strength they never realised they possessed. As Joe grew into a young man he had an enormous impact on his family, not as the ‘experts’ had predicted but simply because he called forth in all of them the best of who they were.
Friendships
After Dan and Mary died Joe lived with his brother and his young family, opening up a whole new world of socialisation, friendships and hobbies.
Joe died on Christmas night last at the age of 58. His funeral was a celebration of his life but it was also a celebration of the love of his family and particularly a mother who refused to treat Joe in the manner expected six decades ago.
At Joe’s funeral on the Feast of the Holy Innocents I could not help but reflect that at the heart of the Christmas story is the birth of another baby boy whose beginnings were less than ideal and whose very survival beyond infancy was also in doubt.
His mother had been alerted to the fact that mixed with joy there would also be sadness and pain.
He survived to make an enormous impact in the lives of many.
On his birthday Jesus welcomed Joe home to Heaven, to be reunited with his beloved mam and dad.
In these early days of 2018 I wonder what this year may mean for the future Joes of our country and so many other innocent human beings yet to be conceived. Despite the complexities of the painful debate we are now engaged in, I hold to a core belief beautifully expressed by Fr Denis McBride in a homily for Christmas Eve Night: “The birth of every child is a gift of life. God’s original blessing is the gift of life; in a baby we can see the blessing of God. A child who did not request life receives the gift of beginning, grows to crave for life, fight for life, struggle to preserve life. To be born is to be gifted by a God who is life itself, and that is why reverence for human life is reverence for the God of life.”
